Learned Optimism: The Key to a Happier Life

By Paul K. Mueller I October 17, 2005

The lounge in the International Center was packed Tuesday with UCSD employees interested in learning how to avoid counterproductive habits that can lead to unhappiness and instead live life with more hope and pep.

Thanks to the free "Learn at Lunch" seminar series - sponsored by the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program and the UCSD Staff Association - two experts were on hand to describe "Learned Optimism: the Key to a Happier Life."

John Smith, a licensed therapist, and Brent Kahle, a specialist in family counseling, explained the factors that can lead to failure and unhappiness and presented guidelines for stepping out of the "downward spiral" those factors can create.

Among the habits that hold people back are: not learning from mistakes; waiting until it's too late; letting fear run your life; seeing yourself at the mercy of fate; living in the land of "some day;" holding grudges; not asking for what you need; seeking approval in the wrong places, and other counterproductive practices.

Three "explanatory styles" keep people locked into anxiety and dissatisfaction:

1) Permanence - You believe that bad events or circumstances will persist and never get better or change.
2) Pervasiveness - If one person rejects you, all people are rejecting you; specific situations get turned into universal characterizations.
3) Personalization - If something bad happens in one area of your life, you give up on all other areas of your life.

Smith and Kahle offered a list of active remedies for overcoming those negative ways of thinking. Learn from the past, savor the moment, and forecast your own achievement, they said, and build the following five activities into your daily life:

1) Participate - "Sit in the front row of your life."
2) When you make a mistake, say "how fascinating!"
3) Quiet the voice in your head that says "I can't do it.it's not possible.
this is stupid."
4) Stay connected and alive; "become part of the song."
5) Invent a new game: "I am a contribution."

Specifically, they said, be less demanding and critical of yourself and others; focus on your strengths and previous successes; accept mistakes as normal; remember that things change - including you; take responsibility for your own goals and achievements; learn - and don't take things personally; doing something is better than doing nothing - contribute; see abundance in life, rather than scarcity.

Other paths to optimism involve understanding that you might need to change the way you see, think or react to things. If you decide that each day will feature something positive and productive, it likely will. Consider when you feel most alive, and strive to do more of those activities. Find an authentically happy person, and follow her or his example.

The counselors used a video to illustrate their points. In it, a symphony conductor shows that overcoming the bad mental habits of his youth - which led to two divorces and other problems - has led him to become more upbeat and exuberant, celebrating both success and failure as evidence of participation.

Perhaps the ever-smiling Dalai Lama says it best: "Be optimistic, it feels better. The purpose of life is to be happy."